As a kid I wasn’t much of an athlete, although I tried.
In fifth grade I joined the girl’s summer softball team. The coach put me in when we were getting creamed and there were two outs in the bottom of the ninth and it was getting late and he needed a sure out. Thus ended my softball career.
In junior high, I went out for basketball. I made a basket once. For the other team. I cried my eyes out in the locker room, even though we lost by twenty points. So I hung up my sneakers for good.
In high school, I ran in the 440 relay. My real reason for going out for track was because my voice teacher told me running would be good for my singing. It was. I lost every race but got the lead in the musical.
When I had kids of my own who showed an interest in sports,
I finally found my true calling.
I am a great fan.
That’s why today is such a banner day.
I get to use my gift for the next 187 days of the MLB season.
So, rap that apple, boys.
Throw the yakker, Miz.
Let’s see some oppo tacos, Yeli.
Today I will send my sons a meme from The Sandlot.
Today I will tune in to watch the first pitch.
Today I will wear my Brewer T-shirt.
Today I will eat a hotdog.
Because that’s my calling.

















